Book Review; Finish by Jon Acuff - A guide for perfectionists

Have you ever thought of yourself as a perfectionist? Do you sometimes get easily frustrated and quit things before they are finished? If you have a long list of projects started but are waiting for you to come back to, you most likely can relate to the aspects described in this episode on perfectionism. In this episode, Leslie uses the book Finish by Jon Acuff to point out some of the ways that trying to be perfect may be hindering us. Leslie and Leslyn explore some of the practical methods outlined in the book and how these can be applied to ‘finish’ something in your life.

In this episode, we discuss…

Show Intro [0:00]

Introductions—Perfectionism [0:15]

Start of the Podcast [0:45]

Examples of Perfectionism [1:30]

Nobody’s Perfect [3:00]

What John Acuff Says About Perfect [4:28]

Cut Your Goal in Half [6:08]

Choose What to Bomb [8:13]

Make It Fun If You Want It Done [13:22]

Facing Noble Obstacles [14:55]

What’s Next Always Looks Much More Interesting [19:34]

Share and Touch Base with Us! [20:30]

Get Rid of Secret Rules [20:53]

Secret Rules in Action [22:55]

If It Doesn’t Come Easy, It Still May Be Worth Doing [24:59]

Closing Thoughts [30:09]

Next Week’s Topic [32:09]

Outro [32:28]

Episode Notes:

Leslie and Leslyn both can identify as being perfectionist. Leslyn shares that she has had a long list of projects that are still waiting for her to come back to. Leslie admits that being a perfectionist can something be ridiculous. She uses the example of her best friend who is super talented at scrapbooking. Leslie’s perfectionism used to hinder her from even attempting to scrapbook as she was scared that her pages would never be as good as her friends. This brings the important realization that nobody’s perfect.

Leslie shares that many people mistakenly perceive progress as perfection. In the book Finish by Jon Acuff, there is a clear and practical method on how to move forward. Leslie urges that this book is incredibly valuable for those who have projects that haven’t been finished or even that you haven’t even started.

You can start with the first point Leslie shares which is to cut your goals in half. The planning fallacy says that we are really optimistic when we are looking towards our future events. This can make us underestimate how long they will actually take to finish. Reflecting on the task at hand and cutting the goal into smaller pieces can be extremely beneficial to seeing its success.

Leslie continues that we should choose what to bomb. Often times we attempt to take on more than we can handle or humanly get done. This can cause us to fail and fear the eventual failure. Jon Acuff suggest choosing what to bomb and decide to succeed at the goals that truly matter. For Jon, he decided to bomb his emails. He feels that he cannot be a good respondent and write of emails while also keeping up with everything else in his life. By deciding not to be good at responding to emails, he is choosing what he is failing at to let him succeed in the more important aspects of his life.

By making something fun you can get it done. If something is completely miserable to do, you are not going to want to do it or even attempt it. Leslie gives the example of teaching her son to do his laundry through fun side activities. She explains that if he watches on of his favorite shows while also folding his laundry it will be a much more enjoyable experience. Podcasts, tv shows, and audio books are great ways to facilitate in making a task more enjoyable.

Jon Acuff shares the idea of noble obstacles. It’s defined as being something on the outside looks really, really good but can actually prevent you from finishing it in the end. In the book, Jon gives the example of cleaning out his garage. Before cleaning and reorganizing a garage, many people will want to have a garage sale to clean up some of the things they do not need anymore. To have a garage sale, you need to have good weather, stickers to sell items, and maybe even advertising the sale’s location, date, and time. So, a task that starts out as something so good can quickly prevent you from finishing it as you say you don’t have time to do all of this right now and so you end up not even cleaning the garage.

When looking at the future, you may realize that you often think that what is coming next in your life is so much more interesting than what is actually in the now. Leslie shares that often at work she will start to get inspired or formulate new ideas when she has only about 10% of something to finish. It’s so tempting to just start the new thing. Jon Acuff suggest using that new idea as a motivator to finish in the now so that you can move on to what’s next.

Leslie struggled a lot with the next point but wasn’t even aware she was struggling. Leslie didn’t even know there was a name to this struggle until she read Finish. The idea of getting rid of secret rules may be new to most. Leslie uses the example of her own secret rule to explain.

Leslie described that she likes to read but feels she has no time to actually read written words. A secret rule for Leslie was that she told herself that audiobooks did not qualify as ‘real’ reading so she was not actually reading. Leslie knows that’s not the case, but it actually was something that prevented her from listening to audiobooks for a long time.

Leslyn shares her secret rule through her hobby of painting. Leslyn has always been artistic and creative but never had the patience for fine arts. Leslyn found her passion in abstract art and loved doing it. Leslyn had even started to sell her art but was having a hard time when being told she should do art shows. Leslyn would hesitate when applying to an art show because in her mind, her secret rule, she saw only artist applied to art shows. Another secret rule of this was that her perfectionism was telling her that a person cannot be both a therapist and an artist. Leslyn was able to get past these secret rules and actually does many shows selling her work.

Jon Acuff shares his own struggles in the book around the idea of if it doesn’t come easily than it’s not worth doing. Leslie noticed that a lot of people identify with believing that if something’s hard than it must not be for them. Leslyn adds that this can show up in ways such as gender rules making someone feel that they are prevented from trying things because of their gender. Leslie also adds age rules as well, where she worried, she was too old to go back to school. Leslyn explains that it’s incredibly important for people to understand what it would mean if you did the thing you believed you can’t. When doing this exercise in her practice, Leslyn shares that ultimately everybody always gets to the fear that is driving that “I can’t”.

Leslyn continues that 99% of the time that underlying fear, is fear of failing. Leslie shares that many people think that it is not noble to quit something and often are worried that if they don’t finish then they have failed. In our society, we are surrounded by this never give up and just keep going mentality. It’s important to realize that it’s perfectly fine to quit if you want to. Not because you are scared or because it’s hard. But in moments when you give yourself permission not to finish those projects or tasks you are letting yourself finish them in a more fulfilling way.

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Links to Look At:

Jon Acuff | Finish

[https://acuff.me/books/]

Last Week’s Episode, Financial Management – The Basics

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/5/26/217-financial-management-the-basics]

Episode on Facing Fear

[https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/8/29/1]

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