#211 Our Need to Connect - The Human Experience

A couple weeks ago, Leslie and Leslyn brought to you a discussion on social media and how it can connect you to the world. The underlying theme of connection is where the lure of social media comes from. The need for human connection is one that is hardwired in us at our very core. Today, Leslie and Leslyn discuss why we have this need for human connection and how it can impact our behavior. Leslie and Leslyn define what a meaningful connection really is in today’s episode and how we can easily find ourselves disconnected in our real life. Leslie and Leslyn also give advice on how to develop more meaningful connections in your own life!

In this episode, we discuss…

Show Intro [0:01]

Introductions—Human Connection [0:13]

Start of the Podcast [0:33]

Social Brain and Its Superpowers [2:25]

Experiencing Pain [5:39]

What Does the Absence of Connection Mean? [6:54]

Defining Meaningful Connections [8:22]

Being Disconnected and Reality TV [12:23]

Downfall of Mismanaging Time [17:15]

Share and Touch Base with Us! [18:50]

How Do We Make Deeper Connections? [19:10]

Strive to Actively Love [20:38]

Learn to Communicate Consciously [21:50]

Be Present and Really Focus! [25:50]

Establishing Boundaries [27:28]

Always, Always Be Authentic [28:18]

Making an Effort to Make New Connections [29:15]

Try This at Home! [34:38]

Closing Thoughts [34:56]

Episode Notes:

Leslie and Leslyn start today’s discussion reflecting on last week’s topic of social media and how it can play a big role in today’s human connections. You may ask yourself, why is social media so enticing? Why is there an addiction and what’s so great about it? The simple answer is connection. Leslyn compares it to why people love reality television. It’s real people, living lives that we feel we can relate to and in turn have a sense of connection.

They start the discussion of human connection with a quote from Dr. Matthew Leberman’s TEDx talk, Social Brain and Its Superpowers. Dr. Leberman shares that if you are a mammal, the thing you need most to survive is a social connection. As mammals, we are immature and incapable of taking care of ourselves when we are born. Someone has to have the urge and connection to be motivated to take care of us until we can do so ourselves. The point Leslyn want you to take away from this is that you must understand that connection is hardwired into our brain. Mammals require connection to survive.

Leslyn continues on the importance of social connection by sharing a study on social pain.

According to studies, on an MRI scan, social pain and the pain of rejection specifically, activates the exact same part of the brain that is also activated when physical pain is felt! Leslyn poses to Leslie, what does this absence of connection mean? For Leslie, and many others, they would define this as being lonely. Loneliness can often be temporary but is more frequent. Especially in this time in history, in the last fifty years, the rate of loneliness has more than doubled just in the United States.

Would you be surprised to learn that 1 in 4 Americans feel that they are rarely understood? How about, that 1 in 5 Americans almost never feel or rarely feel like they are emotionally close to somebody. It is a sad reality of today’s world. Leslie speaks to the fact that most connections we have on social media or technology in general often can be superficial. This makes it pivotal to redefine what a meaningful connection is.

Leslie and Leslyn review their discussion of last week on how close you are really to your Facebook friends. Leslyn feels that we as society are no longer defining connections in a meaningful way. Leslie asks if there is a cause for this disconnect. For Leslyn, she thinks the shift in the definition and the understanding of what it means to be connected is where we lose the significance. The definition of what connected is has shifted but our brains have not shifted with it. Our brain indicates a connection, an emotional survival construct, in places where meaningful connection is not. Often, where we may feel connection, in actuality the engagement is superficial leaving us feeling unfulfilled.

Another big piece of losing out on human connection can be found in mismanaging our time. Leslyn point out that there is a tendency to think that things we are experiencing have never been experienced before. There is always going to be a distraction out there. The idea that you must take from this is that anything else taking you attention away from connecting in a relationship is going to cause problems. Leslie poses the question; how do we make sure we are having deeper connections?

A way Leslyn shares you can engage in deeper connection is by actively loving. This type of love can be displayed in different ways for different people. Another way to deepen your connections is to communicate consciously. Take a few moments to think before you speak and try to be intentional in what you are saying. It goes without saying that being present and really focusing on the other person is key in connecting on a different level as you will make the other person feel important and heard. In that, you also have to learn and establish boundaries. The last aspect of engaging in deeper connections is to always be authentic. To have a legitimate connection with another you must be authentic.

Today’s Try This at Home involves you getting out of your comfort zone! Try connecting with others, talk to a stranger, or even inviting your neighbor over. Try to make an effort to go beyond the superficial and work on developing deep connections with one another.

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Next Week’s Episode: Passive Permission

One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help!

We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful.

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Links to Look At:

Episode #19 on Listening Like a Champ https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/6/3/19-listening-like-a-champ

Episode #14 on 8 Rules for Better Communication

https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/21/8-rules-for-better-communication

TEDx | The Social Brain and Its Superpowers: Matthew Liberman, Ph.D.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNhk3owF7RQ

Psychology Today | Is Social Pain Real Pain?