#205 What is normal?

What is Normal? Today’s episode centers around this complex question. Leslie and Leslyn begin their discussion considering topics such as: how to define normal, what is seen as the norm in society, and why there are so many problems with how we look at it today. Leslyn shares insights into the reasoning behind why we feel the need to have a normal outlined in our everyday life, how we are unknowingly connecting the word to value, and what we see as right and wrong. At the end of this episode, Leslie and Leslyn present a few questions to ponder yourself at Try This at Home!

In this episode, we discuss…

Introductions -- Is that Normal? [00:01]

Show Intro [00:18]

Start of the Podcast [01:04]

Definition of Normal [01:52]

Problems with the Changing “Normal” [03:46]

Grieving Example [04:56]

Education Example [07:00]

Where the Crawdads Sing [09:18]

When Values Comes Into Play [11:41]

Second Definition of Normal [13:40]

Fair and Normal [15:08]

Share and Touch Base with Us! [15:54]

Back to Fair [16:15]

What is Normal to You? [16:42]

The Comfort in Normal [17:51]

The Ever-evolving Norm [19:39]

The Value of the Abnormal [21:35]

Being Abnormal isn’t Always Bad [22:51]

Conforming to Society [24:05]

Today’s Question [27:03]

Closing Points [28:45]

Episode Notes:

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Is that Normal?” We all have been there and in today’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn dive into what normal really is and the aspects surrounding such an idea. They begin today’s discussion with a definition of what the word means and come up with a correlated word that people usually use in describing their idea of normal: most. Leslie, states that normal is usually seen as numerous most. The biggest being, what do most people do in a certain situation, is that what normal is? Conversations about what the spectrum of normal is displayed as come up and for again, most, people and even social psychologist define normal using a bell curve.

The base idea of a bell curve is a hill-shaped pattern that resembles a bell and is plotted with normal being defined as one or two standard deviations away from the mean. But this normal cannot be determined without the outliers those who would not fall in the umbrella of normal.

Leslyn shares that in our culture, one of our fundamental human needs is to categorize. This drive is then exhibited as our need to categorize and label what depicts normal. But there is a problem with this. As they discuss more it is recognized that normal is perceived diversely by each individual. Leslyn points out that what we think is abnormal now, changes over time and could even be quite normal in different circumstances.

An example they discuss is how people grieve. There is not one way to grieve, everyone grieves in an alternate way, and you cannot judge someone on how they grieve. Which brings them to question, is there a right or wrong way to grieve? Is there a right or wrong to normal? They run into the classification problem in determining if something is normal without the basis of right or wrong. Leslyn explains, we as humans are applying the sentiment of right or wrong to things when that’s not even the issue in the matter.

The education example they discuss shows this we cannot put a right or wrong on benchmarks that our child is expected to hit at a certain age. It may be seen as normal for your child to hit a benchmark, but does it make it wrong if they do not by the expected time? Leslie believes not, as there can be a standard of normal without it being wrong. Leslyn adds that this “normal” is only that compared to a subset of a particular population.

Leslyn decides to take this education example a step further by mentioning the book, “Where the Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens [link below]. Where a girl is ultimately seen as an outlier and Leslyn poses the question, is this girl being an outlier and not falling into the idea of what a normal kid is, does that necessarily mean the girl is wrong? Again, Leslie states it’s not normal but it isn’t wrong, especially in comparison to something like murder.

This is where the discussion turns as values have come into play. Leslyn explains, you must be very, very careful when you’re thinking about normal and our ability to apply judgement to such a thing. An alternative definition of normal is then proposed, what is normal for me?

On the second half of the podcast, the differences in the norm pose two questions: what is normal for you and what’s normal for the population at large. Leslyn explains that what she thinks is at play on determining normalcy is that people with anxiety seek to establish a sense of emotional safety. The fear-based aspect causes us to rush to develop habits and acquire a sense of comfort.

The talk of value is mentioned again this time on abnormal. Leslyn believes that there is value in the abnormal. It seems that the abnormal is vital as Leslyn continues as if we did not accept abnormal thinking, abnormal behavior, abnormal ideas then nothing would ever change because no one would step foot out of what is considered normal, or what everyone else is doing. If abnormal is not always wrong and can have value, does that mean the rules we live by loose meaning?

Leslie mentions in the discussion how laws are just a construct and is seen as a normal way to behave in society. Leslyn shares her belief that if we live in a society and choose to participate in said society, we almost have an obligation to humanity to conform to certain ideals and laws that will benefit the society as a whole. In terms of this scenario, it seems logical to want to follow the norm and not be one of the outliers on the societal bell curve. Leading to the need for good reasoning and being aware to make it through this conundrum.

Leslie and Leslyn summarize this discussion with a question, a burning question, of the week.

They challenge their listeners to question what defines you and what is normal for you? Leslie and Leslyn encourage their listeners to take this home and think about it, what defines you?

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Links to Look At:

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Interested in reading, “Where the Crawdads Sing” by Delia Owens?

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36809135-where-the-crawdads-sing

Interested in reading, “Educated” by Tara Westover?

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35133922-educated

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